=c1Ndy's blog=

S O B !

Today really ish a bad day!!!
Eh?! But today is not 13 the friday arh!
WEIRD... seems bad... today really bad, man!!!

FIRST-ly, Going to school...
As usual, wake up in the morning... and was waken by the phone ringing!!!
My sister's fren called at 6.30am!!! What?! IDIOT!
HEY! DOnt u have some manners? Call last night at 10.30pm and again this morning!
Made ppl's life miserable! ARGHH!
I know yr NAME, ok!?
No manners! Advice and warn her so many times, still like this...
No next time!!! If she calls again, i'm gonna scold her *tongue stick out*
Grrr... Grrr... - BEWARE PLEASE KEEP AWAY -

Then, prepare for my day...
Yup, 9am lesson everyday... no changes.
Oops... i eat my breakfast so slowly. . . took 20 mins just to finish my cake and milk.
Walked out of the house... oops....when i reached the bus stop, i miss the bus.
Haiz... I waited for another bus.
Very fast, the next bus came.
I board the bus and the air-con was so strong!!!
So cold, so cold!!!
ahh... almost caught a cold. HAaaa-CHOOooo!!!
I never sneeze, of cos! ^^
Sha reached Yishun first, so i asked her to wait for me at the platform.
Next, ZL miss call me when my bus reaching MRT station... just one more stop...
So i also ask her to wait for me at the platform and i told her that Sha was over there already.
I finally reached the stop and quickly got down, cross the road & up to the platform to meet them.
Yup, they're already there at the platform chatting, i walked faster to approach them.
ZL shouted at me and said I took a long time to reach Yishun MRT station...
She say...
"U already reaching reaching... but you took 15mins to reach, still consider reaching arh?!"
I talked back,
"But, i really am reaching soon... (Cut by her again, 15mins!!! U reached after 15 mins, u know?!) huh?! Really? did i? but... ... "
"If u dont believe, check the sms lor. 15 mins, u know?! Ahh... forget it."
The train came and we took the train... It's an empty train!
ZL wanted to sit. Nisha asked me to go over and sit.
I went to stand at the door there... Replying."i dont want to sit..."
Sha saw disappointing expression on my face... She approached me and stood beside me.
Then, ZL came along and stood beside me.
Silence... Total silence for a moment.
Then, i meddle with my hp... dont want to talk. -___-
Early in the morning, scolded by yr fren, u happy?!
NO, right? So pissed by ZL.
Seriously, i dont want to quarrel with ppl lor.
Somemore, early in the morning... haiz +.+
While meddling with my phone, i came to rmb sth.
Oh ya! I play Collide by Howie Day in my hp ^^
YEAH! Makes my day a better day...
I sending this song this to Sha. Expression changed! ^-^
Conversation started... we chatted.
But, no chatting with ZL.
I keep talking to Sha.
Met Vana then walk to school together.
We walked to Lecture hall. first lesson is BIO!
Oops... i think is LTK-1, so we walked further down... tapped our cards.
ZL and Vana went into the lecture hall to look for seats.
Then, next I and Sha went in, eh?! how come dont look familiar arh?
How come is Ms Rosy Tay teaching BIO? cannot be siaz.
OOps... wrong lecture hall.
We went out of the lecture hall and we laugh out loud. wahahaha
So embarrassed, man!!! Went into the wrong lecture hall.
We went to sit for our bio lecture.
Dr Raj lecturing us as usual. ^^
Talking about heart, pumps, valves...
Then, about to end... he talks about ECG - Electrocardiogram, cardiac cycle and heart sounds.
I dont know why... made me remember what my GP (General Practioner) which is also my family doctor said to me and my mum when last time i got a fever, and see doctor.
My heart problem...
Doctor's every word, every sentence always in my mind... ...
"Do your daughter has any history of hole in the heart?" the doctor asking my mum.
"Nope. Why? Is there a problem with her?"
"Erm, yes. I really have to say that she got irregular heart rate, rhymth, which is also known as Heart murmur. I just now took her heartrate,it's very abnormal. Instead... normal ppl's heartrate, rhymth is like "lub dub" - one beat and another one "lub dub". But, yr daughter's one is lub dub dub... lub dub dub... instead of two different heart sounds, hers three different sounds."
... ... blah blah... ...
Conversation is within the doctor and my mum...
Everything after that, it just became silence to me...
Nothing seem to be going in... i hear nothing at all.
I'm very scared, i'm worried... what's happening?!
I looked at my mum... she seemed worried too, her face got one a puzzled look too, wondering why and what's going in my body...
Back again, looking at the doctor explaining to my mum.
Serious?! I dont know anything!
My mum asked,"Then, what will happened to her with this heart problem?"
Doctor replied,"I'm afraid to say that yr daughter will have difficulty when she... ... ... ... (worrying worrying worrying) in future... and even ... ... that's very hard to say."
"Hmm, where u would refer her to? Which hospital to have a proper checkup on her?"
"First, go to nearest polyclinic to check, if clarify that... then we will refer her to a heart specialist in specific hospital."
Flashbacks just came right into my mind... I wanted to cry...
Tears starting to flow out of my eyes but, holding back with all my strength. . .
Hopefully, the tears in my eyes will dry up by itself as quickly as possible.
However, tears dont cooperate with me, some roll down my right cheek.
I wipe off immediately, i dont want to let my frens to know that i'm crying.
Crying doesn't solve problems.
Dr Raj was saying about the heart sounds...
He said that sometimes, when there are heart murmur (abnormal sounds) are actually alright.
It's fine... it's due to turbulent blood flow eg. "hole in the heart" or defective valves.
Well, i had went for a checkup at polyclinic last year and two doctors clarified that everything's alright in me and i had a ECG taken.
ECG - It's a recording of electrival changes that accompany the heartbeat... which also indicates the physical events in the heart.
Most of my frens know about my condition...
And i felt my heartbeat sometimes but sometimes dont... do u all feel yr heart beating without touching and feel for yr heartbeat with yr hand?
I do feel my heart pumping... sometimes, feels like popping out...
Our heart is almost in the middle but quite to the left.
Sometimes, i can feel my whole heart pumping hard in the middle of my chest.
I felt very uncomfortable... and now i still do feel that too.
What's happening to me?
My mum says i might die of heart attack when i grow old.
I dont want to think about my future. No matter what's gonna happen to me, i will still live my everyday to the fullest.
My heart aches very often now and then... i dont know the reason.
I told Corin about it, she helped me check my radial pulse for about one min.
She told me that sometimes strong, sometimes weak... very irregular.
Crying in my heart. 1 more time~
After bio lecture, we went for a teabreak at North Canteen.
All 7 of us drink tea and chat... ^^
I drank teh and ate one bun.
Saw the hunk!!! Everyone looked at me and asked me to look at him again.
Ahh... he's huge, man! He's so tall!!! LOLz ^_^
ZL shared with us her nightmare... which made her cried. sob*
I heartpain for her too.
Eating cheese before u go to bed, u'll have a nightmare. Scientifically proven?!
Then, we went for our bio lab. OOps... we're kinda late for it. wahaha!
A new lecturer!!! photos uploaded to share with u guys.
We had fun learning... he looks abit like Jim Carrey. waha ^^
He got rabbit teeth... LOLz
He looks fake.. like a fake man! Enough of criticising him.
After that, we went to eat our lunch at South Canteen.
Saw the cute guy again!!! He saw me... i so paiseh!
Corin, Vana, Kelli, Sha, Joan and ZL shouted my name.
I turned and looked at him, gosh... so paiseh siaz!
Vana and Joan wanted to take a closer look at him and another guy...
dots. . . -__-
I got diarrhoea. So uncomfortable... i got chills and rigors. So cold!!!
I'm so sick... like a sick cat! LOlx.
Ate chicken rice with watermelon juice (without ice).
We saw another guy behind us... eating lunch.
He looks like Slyvester!!! oh gosh, Corin and Kelli took photos of him eating. waha:)
Nevermind that... i still not feeling good.
Went for psycho lecture!!! woohoo!
It's so fun!!! I was been teased by Sha!!!
Lecturer Penny, our Psycho lecturer asked,"Do u guys have stress?"
YESH!!! All replied with stern and confident voices...
"Then, what makes u all stress?"
Sha said loud and clear and pointed at me, "HER!"
We're sitting right in front of the lecture hall, very very near to the lecturer.
Lecturer Penny said, "Hey, u're so bad... how can u say that?"
The whole lecture knows that i made her stress lah!
Infamous overnight!!! Grrr... Sha... u watch out! ^^
Still feeling very uncomfortable... uneasy... i think diarrhoea again. SOB*
Yup... diarrhoea!!!
And i and joan went to take MRT to Yishun.
We chatted along our way, she taking bus 969 to Tampines.
But we're being stopped by a man. Talk about what saving plan...
Sian... they're from City harvest... blah blah...
Talk crap... wan to know our names, our numbers.
Joan very direct... and finally we were free!!!
Of a sudden, one fat man approached us from our back, keep calling xiao jie xiao jie!!!
Then, he tapped Joan's shoulders... strong smoke... ahh!!! I cant breathe!
Still perservere... want to get Joan's number... want to know her. ooh?! haha
I and Joan got lots to chat about... so we went Yishun MAc to chat.
She ate Sundae and I drank Hot Milo. Feeling better~
Chat till 5.30pm. I walked home with my packet dinner.
BAthe and eat dinner with my sis & bro at home while watching Goong.
They went to bed so early.
I went online... with my worry. WORRIED~
I want to wait for my mum to come back home...
I got things to ask her.
And she finally back home at 10pm.
I asked her if she feels her heart beating without using hand to feel.
She replied, "Of cos, no. If pump very hard and virgorously, then will definitely feel it."
Gosh... worried again, my heart hurts alot even now when i'm typing.
I cried while explaining to my mum that i have been experiencing heartache since sec1 till now...
Now, it became worse... pain whenever it likes. Now and then, feel the heart pumping any moment.
My mum asked me whether i want to go for another checkup.
I dont know... i not sure... not decided... crying again... Sobsob.
Crying and crying... tears kept rolling down my eyes like a running tap.
SOb! :'(
Mum explaining to me, if i go directly to NUH for checkup, it will be very costly...
Hundred plus... if full body checkup, even costly.
But, if GP recommend me to any hospital, any doctor, then there'll be at least subsidy.
Mum telling me to reconsider... money is not the problem but she wants me to think whether wan to go for the checkup... Decision lies within myself. I have to decide for myself.
Crying... Mum comforted me... "dont cry. Why cry until like this... ..."
I dont know how to explain this, man!
(I and my mum's conversation)
"Are u afraid that u got heart attack? U scared of dying?"
"Nope. it's just that ... ..."
"What's in yr mind now?"
"I'm just... i feel very uncomfortable... Doctor's words, advices; all still fresh in my mind... kept ringing in my mind... flashbacks, everything kept appearing and making me more worried."
"Everything's gonna be alright. Stay healthy, exercise regularly; dont exert too much of strength when exercising. Is there anything wrong or do u feel uucomfortable when u exercise or after exercise?"
"Nothing. Normal. I dont feel anything at all when exercising or after exercising."
"Then, dont worry. You're fine."
- Calm and comforted. I'm feeling even better even though my heart still aches.

The time is now 11pm...

Longest entry ever.

Heartpain, raining in my heart. where's my heart doctor? where are u?